We aren’t a condiment family.
Did you know that? Nearly 10 years of blogging and I’ve never mentioned it. Tom doesn’t like mayonnaise — that’s generally well-known. But neither Tom nor I like ketchup, and we could take or leave most everything else. Tom doesn’t even use salad dressing. (As with everything, I’m much less extreme about this than Tom is. Tom’s a #nevercondiment-er. I’m a “well, actually, Dijon would be good on this sandwich”-er.)
That said, our kids really aren’t ketchup enthusiasts like some kids are. But then we sent them to PUBLIC SCHOOL and after a month surrounded by the BAD INFLUENCES in those unrestricted corridors, David was dipping his fries in ketchup.
(And WHY!??!! WHY are we dipping fries in ketchup, people?!? It only masks the near-perfect flavor of the french fry! Honor the fry and eat it as God made it — with extra salt.)
One evening Tom takes the ketchup out of the fridge for the kids and he looks at the label.
Tom: Why does it say “tomato ketchup”? Are there other kinds of ketchup?
Me: I don’t know. Maybe ketchup means something.
Tom: What do you mean it means something?
Me: Maybe ketchup describes the way the tomatoes were processed. Like grape jelly, jelly describes a specific way of processing fruit.
Tom: But there are no other kinds of ketchup.
Me: But do you know what the word ketchup means? Maybe it means something. All I’m saying is I don’t know what ketchup means.
David: It means you’re going too slow and you need to hurry up.