I think Valentine’s Day is awesome. What a FUN day. A celebration of those you love with chocolate and flowers. Are you kidding me? Does it get any better?

Are you the kind of person who labels Valentine’s Day as a “fake” or “Hallmark” holiday? If so, then I sincerely hope someone gives you a big pink box of chocolates and I dare you to not smile. Or eat every single one.

Since I love Valentine’s Day, in the weeks leading up to February 14 I’ve been planning a special photo shoot with Mary Virginia.

A few days ago, Tom was making a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up a few things. I was planning to take some pictures of Mary Virginia with flowers for Valentine’s Day, so I asked him to pick some up. Before he left, I gave him very specific instructions.

“Can you get flowers? Do not spend more than $5. Look for manager’s special flowers. Do you know where they keep them? If they don’t have any, don’t get any. Tom? Do you hear me? Nothing over $5. Get the cheapest flowers you can find. $5 is even sort of a lot. Got it? Call if you have questions.”

When he came home, I looked at the flowers with the same confused, vacant expression Mary Virginia has.

Um, really? Yellow Alstromeria? That’s what you got?

So I said, “Oh, ok. Thanks. Is this all they had?”

He immediately said, “These were the cheapest flowers there! I thought you’d like yellow!” And then his eyes got wide with realization and shoulders slumped, “Oh, was this some sort of test? Was this like, you told me to not get nice flowers but you actually wanted nice flowers?”

It wasn’t a test.

And, ahem, I like to think of myself as the kind of girl who doesn’t conduct “tests”.

This is what happened: I had a specific purpose for the flowers that I didn’t tell Tom about. I didn’t mention Mary Virginia was going to be wearing pink, with red in the background, so red or white flowers would be best. Roses or carnation if you can find them. Don’t get lilies (like Alstromeria) because the pollen will get all over her outfit.

I didn’t mention it or imply any of those things, but COME ON, TOM! Couldn’t you have just assumed those things?

I gave Tom clear, direct instructions. The instructions he got wrong were the ones I didn’t mention. So, technically, he didn’t get anything wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I saw Tom think he failed a Valentine’s Day test, I realized how horrible it is to be a dude on Valentine’s Day.

What does it mean when the lady in your life says, “No, really. Let’s not do gifts. In fact, we don’t have to celebrate at all. Valentine’s Day is stupid. Hallmark holiday. LAME!”

Ok. Is she serious? Should we really not do anything? Because I’m super-busy at work and could use a low-key evening? Or is this a trick? But why would she say that if she doesn’t mean it? To test me. Awesome.

Ugh. Must be so hard to be a guy.

To men everywhere, on behalf of women everywhere: We’re sorry. We can’t help our crazy. Really.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Usually I don’t say anything to Tom about Valentine’s Day and hope he does something on his own merit. He usually does; that’s the kind of guy he is.

But this year I decided to spare him the stress. I told him exactly what I want for Valentine’s Day: take-out gyros, a glass of wine, some fancy chocolate, and Olympics on the TV.

Plus, I already bought flowers for myself. A dozen red roses at the grocery store. $5, on manager’s special

[Also, how can Tom ever compete with the best Valentine’s Day gift ever? Happy birthday sweet Ellie Bellie.]